Huntington Beach College

The last  couple of days, I’ve been  exploring why some teenagerscan’t emotionally handle their freshman year in college while other studentsbehave worse than toddlers. Here are the posts:

 A Nightmarish Experience at an Ohio University

Could This Student’s Freshman Year Have Been Saved?

I was ready to move on to other topics – some parents have been askingquestions about the FAFSA– –  but I decided to linger one more day on this important topic becauseof a note that I received last night from a woman who has spent more than twodecades working with college students.

I think you’ll find her observations fascinating yet sobering. And someparents don’t come off looking good either – they are enabling a lot of thisinexcusable behavior. Next week, I promise I’ll tackle the FAFSA and othertopics.

I spent 25 years working as a student affairs administrator at six differentcolleges, and was the director of residential life at two. I did my master’sthesis on college roommate compatibility. Sadly, this is an issue that isrampant at colleges across the country, and across the different strata ofcolleges–elite to open admission. My daughter experienced similar at a smallRoman Catholic college.

Without writing a thesis here (which I could), I believe this stems from aconvergence of two trends:

First, students go off to college having had unprecedented luxuries growingup. They have never shared a bedroom. Many have never even shared a bathroom.They have their own cars, their own phones, their own credit cards, and havebeen given a great deal of personal freedom while still in high school. Theirparents have leveraged their own lives to provide the financial support suchthat students have little concern for the price of attending college.

Transitioning to a largely unsupervised residence hall just kick startstheir desire to live a life like they have seen on MTV and in the popular media. And althoughtheir college may have asked them questions about their lifestyles to encourageroommate compatibility, too often, their parents filled out the questionnaire,or the student was afraid to be honest (“I smoke weed, I drink four nights aweek, and my partner and I have been intimate since we were 15″) for fear theirparents will see the questionnaire.

Colleges, in their quest to recruit students, provide accommodations andamenities that are more like cruise ships. Free high speed internet, freelaundry equipment, 24-hour a day food service catered to each student’s whim,free health club, free 24-hour a day medical care, free counseling services,free tutoring, non-stop activities, parties, movies, clubs. They have privaterooms in suites with living rooms and kitchenettes and free cable TV.

Legal restraints and a fear of losing enrollment have made collegesunwilling to impose strict discipline or oversight. Many parents don’t make itany easier by refusing to allow students to take responsibility for theirbehavior, calling constantly to intervene or plead for special consideration. Iwas even offered bribes to “overlook” issues, but more often I was threatenedwith lawyers.

What will it take to change this? A fundamental shift in how we viewcollege from a time of extended adolescence to a time for learning real-lifeskills for careers and adulthood. Instead, they graduate, deeply in debt, andwondering why they can’t find a job that will pay enough for them to be able toafford a private apartment, internet, health club, vacations, health insurance,and a housekeeping staff to clean up the vomit in the bathroom every Thursday,Friday and Saturday night.

As always, please weigh in with your comments at the bottom! I’d love tohear what you think.

LynnO’Shaughnessy

I will be holding two college workshops at the University of California,San Diego on Jan. 28 and Feb. 4.  At the workshops — you can sign up forone or both – I aim to share with you ways to help you make smart decisionsabout picking colleges and making them more affordable.

You can learn more here and sign up forthe workshops here.As you’ll see, you must register with UCSD Extension before you canenroll.

Thanks. Lynn O.

The College Solution